Crops...and not the tops....

Whoever thought when Britney infamously shaved her bleached locks before descending into a mental breakdown that produced arguably the best album of her career that it would kickstart a trend that is still rampant with A-List females across the world to this date. Charlize Theron recently said goodbye to her golden curls for a film role and kissed goodbye to any lucrative hair product campaigns for the next few years.

Sure, Britney wasn't the first to take hold of the clippers...Demi Moore parting with her long, glossy locks in G.I. Jane showed the world just how stunning she really is, while Natalie Portman's close shave in V for Vendetta got her beauty and acting skills some serious attention. But for every genetically gifted Demi, there's a potato headed Britney who just couldn't wait to get a weave on that stubbly head to hide a multitude of sins.

Anne Hathaway recently cropped her glorious tresses for a film role, making her look less like the raven haired screen siren the world has come to love, and more like a pre-pubescent schoolboy.

Another actress parting with her locks for a movie role was High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens. When the chocolate brown waves were gone, a soccer mom haircut aged the pretty starlet. If only she was so neat and tidy down below (nobody's forgotten those naked pics, V-Hud).

Not even flawless bone structure can save some of the most beautiful women in the world from the perils of looking like an egg head. Yeah, Demi looked fierce, but none of the current crop - pardon the pun - of Hollywood starlets are styling it up enough to pull off such a harsh look. Must do better, ladies.

xoA

One man's trash, another man's treasure...

Recently, yours truly has been fully embracing the world of eBay. While previous attempts at dabbling in the activity of selling old clothes and making some money in return have barely made a dent in the bank balance of this shopaholic (Rebecca Bloomwood, you've got competition, gurl), a recent no nonsense approach to a wardrobe clearout has pretty much paid for a forthcoming trip to London. Whether or not said trip ends up costing even more due to your boy approaching shopping like it's an Olympic sport remains to be seen, but it's definitely interesting to think about how clothes we toss to the back of our wardrobes could easily become coveted items to others.

Far from being deluded enough to think that his impeccable taste and flawless wardrobe choices have made him a fashion messiah whose castoffs would be quickly snapped up by those wanting to emulate his style, your boy is fully aware that most of the people snapping up those size-too-big skinny jeans (hiya new gym habit already producing results after a few weeks) and All Saints t-shirts from when All Saints was still good are just out for a bargain and eager to take advantage of this ruthless wardrobe cleanse. But still, in a world where people are driving themselves deeper and deeper into debt to try and keep up with the latest throwaway fashions, why are more people not taking advantage of the money making opportunity that comes with putting those shoes you only wore once because they killed your feet, or that handbag your mum got you for Christmas that you just don't like, on eBay? What happiness are these items going to bring being stuffed at the back of a wardrobe, destined to be forgotten or chucked? Especially when they could be auctioned off, creating more space in your wardrobe and more money in your bank balance to fill that space with shiny new things.

And while we're at it, wouldn't it be great if there was an easier way to find those coveted items you want? That dress from Topshop that sold out before you got the chance to buy it? That leather jacket that went into sale in every size but yours? This is why eBay is often a much more rewarding shopping experience than the glitz and glamour of Buchanan St and Argyle St on a Saturday afternoon. And plus it never closes...ideal.

This isn't an advert for eBay, this is a call to all FashHoles out there, sell your old stuff...just because you don't want it, someone else most probably will. And at the end of the day, what would you rather have? A wardrobe full of clothes you don't actually want, or money for guilt-free shopping?

And let's not forget, it's recycling, so it's good for the environment as well.

xoA

Dress code double standards...

We live in a society where men and women are (allegedly) equal. Women have the same rights as men, can do the same jobs as men, and also can get away with a whole lot more than men when it comes to "appropriate" work attire.

Why is it that women can wear pretty much whatever they want and still manage to pass it off as "smart", while men are restricted to the rigid three piece suit, shirt and tie? In a world where it's not uncommon to see women wearing vest tops, cropped trousers and sandals to the office, why is it that anything other than a boring, buttoned up ensemble that hides every inch of a man's body minus his face and hands is frowned upon? Conservative is one thing, but is self expression banned when it comes to the sartorial options available to males?

Men are expected to live their lives in suits, and there's only so many guys who can style it up like Brad Goreski or Adam Lambert. For the rest, it's ill fitting, unflattering and just plain dull. God forbid a man wear black skinny trousers and military boots without being told he's dressed inappropriately...and facial hair? Well that, it appears, is just madness. Not to mention such offensive items as ear piercings and fashionable hairstyles that would be accepted on their female colleagues. It appears that as men become more open to experimentation when it comes to their wardrobes, higher forces become increasingly restrictive and keen to put a stop to such madness.

Why is society so threatened by the idea of a man expressing himself through fashion? Where is the need to force them to confine to what they consider "smart" and "conservative" to be taken seriously in the workplace? For every Scott Disick there's fifty David Brents out there. Is the idea of a man being able to go to work in something other than a plain, boring, dull...sorry, smart suit that horrendous? By no means is this an invitation for men around the world to don their tracksuits for business meetings, but can we not move towards getting rid of the boring dress code that stops men from being able to develop some sort of identity in the workplace?

xoA

Commuter catastrophes

If you spend as much time on public transport as your boy does, you will be blind not to notice the amount of fashion travesties that seem to have become widely accepted by the masses travelling back and forth for their 9 to 5s.

The first of these calamities is people who appear to have been half asleep getting ready for a long day at the office and start to incorporate their gym gear into their outfit. No, ladies, your trek to your nearest bus stop or train station cannot be THAT treacherous that you need to throw on a pair of trainers with your suit. If your work shoes are that uncomfortable, buy a new pair...your boy will always advocate retail therapy as a cure for anything.

Also, with the oversized handbag trend not looking likely to go away any time soon, why are you carrying a tiny handbag and then a massive backpack? Hardly power dressing. Nothing more flattering to a woman's figure than being laden down with too many lumpy bags, especially when teamed with ill fitting black trousers that so many women seem to insist on wearing these days. Just because you're a size 8 in your jeans, doesn't mean you're a size 8 in your trousers, too...and why not be completely outrageous and buy these sorts of clothing from actual clothes shops instead of bunging them in a trolley with your weekly food shop at Tesco?

Gents, the bag rule applies to you as well. Why are you wearing a Jansport bag you've had since school with your suit when you could just as easily jump into Zara  or River Island for a perfectly affordable, expensive looking man bag that won't make you look like a twat?

Why do people who clearly have to dress smartly for work have this urge to try and "dress down" for the commute? This isn't like school where you would try and wear trainers or Cat boots with your uniform to be a pure rebel, this is the grown up world. And as much as your boy hates a "smart" dress code (that's a whole 'nother entry waiting to happen), if you're going to do it, do it right.

FashHole Hall of Fame: Brad Goreski

"What people basically want is to wear things that get them laid." - Brad Goreski

Style inspiration can come from anywhere - from the people we walk past on the streets, to the designers that show their latest collections on catwalks all over the world, to celebrities who adorn the magazines and TV screens that we encounter in our daily lives. Everyone has their style icons, and you lucky fashholes are in for a treat...get ready to be taken on a journey of the icons this blogger looks towards whenever he is faced with an outfit crisis.

Today we're gonna start with Brad Goreski. For those of you unfamiliar with this character, he was Rachel Zoe's assistant for the first few seasons of The Rachel Zoe Project, who's penchant for colour blocking and taking geek chic to a whole new level has gained him celebrity status and the title of fashion icon for many a homo around the world. Now starring in his own reality series, It's A Brad Brad World, and going out on his own away from the shadow of Ms Zoe, Brad continues to gain notoriety for his corageous fashion efforts.

On paper, this jacket just shouldn't work. So why is my wardrobe crying out for it?

It should also be noted that homeboy KNOWS how to colour block. Or, as he calls it, a "P.O.C." (pop of colour). It takes some serious swagger to pull off some of these neon, clashing looks, but he does it in style and still manages to look really effortless with it.

Nobody can say Mr Goreski isn't capable of seriously pulling off the geek-chic look. He definitely, to quote his former mentor Rachel Zoe, "shuts it DOWN" on a daily basis. His recent outfits at New York Fashion Week have been true to his high fashion credentials, not that we would expect anything less. He still manages to put his own spin on any look...who else could wear leopard and still look that dapper?

And this is just a little something for those of you wondering what he looks like out of the amazing clothes...

While Brad Goreski's style might not be to everyone's tastes, he's definitely carved out his own niche look that is synonymous with BRAD. Please pray that he somehow follows in Rachel Zoe's fashion footsteps and gets his own line, the menswear market is SCREAMING out for someone like Brad to revolutionise the dull selections many retailers put out there for us boys.

xoA

Still looking for your fashion questions for the first #AskAldo, keep them coming to fashhole@ymail.com

A very big house in the country...or not

If you walk down any high street in the country, you are bound to encounter person after person dressed as if they have just stepped off of the set of "Emmerdale". Barbour jackets and Hunter wellies have become wardrobe staples for a certain type of person, and unfortunately for the rest of us, that type of person is NOT a farmer.

Obviously, the unpredictable Glasgow weather does create the need to wrap up to stay warm and dry, but was there really any need for the sight your boy witnessed not too long ago of a man walking through the city centre on a dry, sunny day, rocking his quilted Barbour, and jeans tucked into Hunters so pristine they had clearly never been used for their intended purpose?

Is there really any point in dressing like you've just jumped into town for a quick shop before jumping back on your tractor to milk a few cows before your night out? Especially when the reality is you'll be jumping into your Corsa back to your perfectly un-farm like house, via a sunbed? You are fooling nobody, that tan is not as a result of days of manual labour out in the fields.

By no means is this "rural" look a bad thing. It's actually very effortless and still fashionable, which is why your boy suspects it has taken off amongst the general public. However, a huge percentage of those adopting this look at their own would be well advised to consider other sartorial options. The whole point of being a farmer is to herd the sheep, not to become a sheep yourself.

xoA

Keep your burning fashion questions coming into fashhole@ymail.com, you know you want to...

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but studs and spikes excite me

For some, S&M inspired fashion was a passing phase that is gone with the AW11 trends. But for others, your boy included, clothing adorned with studs and spikes will never go out of style.

Some of the appeal of studded leather and Burberry-esque spikes may be lost when worn by our Glaswegian Jersey Shore wannabes...a pleather biker with cheap plastic studs from Internacionale is never going to look expensive when worn with one size too small leggings, a knockoff McQueen scarf from Primark and fake UGGs. 

For the die-hard among us (such as a few friends who will still be rocking pyramid studs when they are geriatrics), the appeal of black leather with shiny silver spikes poking out of it will be timeless. For the rest, a passing fad. For Britney Spears, it was one fierce Burberry leather in a music video, which I still dream about til this day.

But it's not all about leather and spikes and bondage gear and clothing that would reduce mere mortals to puddles of sweat and frizzy hair when the sun comes out, there are perfectly legitimate ways to integrate this look into a summer look. Wear spikes with denim, pastels, animal prints, rock them as your accessories. Just don't start mixing your trends or you'll be wondering whether to label yourself as fashion victim or ensembly challenged (bumped from Clueless, who gon' check me, boo?)

This is how your boy will be rocking the spikes into summer. Don't hate the fact his amazing boyfriend made him these Converse for Christmas (if you don't mind being a swagger jagger, he will knock you some up too if you ask him nice enough. He also makes real nice hats)

This jumper is all kinds of tacky and ridiculous, but it works. If only it was safe for guys to wear this kind of stuff in Glasgow without getting jumped, I wonder who's wardrobe this would be making it's way into?

Girls, you KNOW you want a pair of shorts like these. 

If you do, Once Upon A Time the place to go. Boys, they can hook you up too, this shirt they sorted your boy out with for his birthday is off the hook.

They might not be everyone's cup of tea, but studs and spikes are here to stay. Until next time, bitches...

xoA

(PS, keep sending your fashion questions to fashhole@ymail.com, they will be answered in a forthcoming entry)

Walk a mile in these shoes? I'd rather have cat AIDS...

"You know how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet." - Cher Horowitz

Coming from a very strong anti-nude ballet pump stance, it should come as no surprise to anyone reading this that there are plenty of other footwear options that, in my opinion, should also be relegated to the bin. Each to their own, considering I live in military boots and Converse I'm hardly the most adventurous in that department.

Even still, a few recurring footwear offences have got these fingers poised to hit the keyboard in the hope that those girls wondering if brogues are still relevant (note: they aren't) will see the light and turn their back on ugly footwear.

Yes, the first order of business is the need for you all to part with your brogues. These shoes only look good on men. I don't care if Alexa Chung looks cute in her brown leather brogues and ditsy floral dresses, it doesn't mean you do as well. Unless you want your feet to look bigger than they are and give yourself cankles, BIN THE BROGUE. Be under no illusion that this is the view of some bitchy queen who thinks girls only look good in skyscraper heels that will give them permanent spine damage (although female popstars performing in flats is inexcusable, are you reading this Pixie Lott?), there are plenty of nice flat shoe options available. But a brown leather lace up that makes you look like a wartime bride is not one of them. 

Speaking of brogues, is there really any need to wear monstrosities like the ones pictured above? Again, give yourself cankles and unecessarily wide looking feet if you want, but avoiding this kind of thing like the plague is definitely for the best.

Speaking of footwear monstrosities, is there really any need for people to be wearing creepers? The appeal of this shoe escapes me, unless orthopedic footwear is an attractive look. Screaming "OMG EDGY FUNKY CAMDEN HIPSTER HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT MY TUMBLR?", the creeper is a shoe that has quite literally crept into the fashion radar and even the usually flawless Cher Lloyd has been spotted in them (major snaps deduction for you, Cher). This look is one your boy cannot get his head around, it's not  flattering, it's not funky, and it's not stylish. It has future "2010s fashion faux pas" written all over it. Please, bitches, get rid of them or you'll be cringing looking back at old photos in 10 years time.

Especially these animal print ones. BIN BIN BIN.

Now, this is the part where it gets deep. Anyone who has any common sense, never mind fashion sense, will have relegated these to an ill judged 90s Atomic Kitten fashion trend long ago. But no, fashaholics, there are some of you that still insist on trying to make our next item a part of your wardrobe. Apologies in advance for any offensive language that may follow on from our next item.

Yes, that's right, it is time to discuss a problem that continues to sweep the nation on a daily basis: the kitten heel. Kitten heels are not pretty. Kitten heels are not stylish. Kitten heels are not something that should be part of anyone's wardrobe. Name me one person who has ever looked good in a kitten heel? No, I didn't think so. Kitten heels are quite possibly the worst kind of footwear known to man. Where is the glamour in a  one inch stiletto heel and a pointy toe? Again, are you TRYING to make your feet look longer and wider than they are? If you can't walk in heels, don't be a pussy and try to get away with a kitten heel instead, you aren't fooling anyone. Go for a flat; fuck it, even go for a nude ballet pump, but DON'T go for a kitten heel.

As if a regular kitten heel isn't bad enough, here we have a SLING BACK kitten heel. I don't think any elaboration is needed to discuss just how bad this is.

And these? I don't care if it's Vivienne Westwood, it's still a fucking kitten heel! (a quote from the lovely Gillian Brown, my style icon). A JELLY SHOE, SLING BACK, PEEP TOE KITTEN HEEL with red plastic love hearts on the front? For a five year old girl going to a birthday party, maybe...but for a fully grown adult with the kind of dollas to afford them? Not so much.

While this footwear fascism may come across as a little bit harsh, it comes from a place of love. The world would be a better place without these styles pounding our pavements. Don't even try to be a nice person and donate these items to your nearest charity shop, it will only encourage repeat fashion offences and this ugly vicious fashion circle starting all over again...bin them, burn them, break them up and throw them away. You know it makes sense.

Wondering what kind of shoes you SHOULD be wearing? Email fashhole@ymail.com and all your burning fashion questions will be answered coming soon to a blog near you.

xoA

Neon Appreciation

Today a girl I know came into my work. She said "I read your blog last night, it inspired me to wear jeggings." Definitely NOT the point of that particular entry. A few others told me I was a bit harsh on a nude ballet pump...that there's a time and a place for it. Yes, there is, to a nice summer garden party or something. But battered, dirty nude ballet pumps showing off the patchy fake tan on your feet is NEVER a good look, so I'm still sending those into room 101, along with the offensive jegging. In fact can we just ban that word from the fashion vocabulary forever please?

On a nicer note, there is something that I had banished into fashion hell a few years ago that I'm now itching to get back into my wardrobe: neon. This is not fluoro, techno, hi-vis gear. This is not the queue for Cube unders at 5pm on a Saturday afternoon with tutus and matching leg warmers as far as the eye can see. And this is definitely NOT a repeat of the ill advised nu-rave phenomenon that had us all dressed like the cast of Skins (series one, duh) thinking that advert with Beth Ditto singing over it was an insight into our oh so wild weekends (puh-lease). This is neon for grown ups.

Last week I purchased these joggers from my work (I love a jogger btw, they get a bad reputation as something worn by neds and people who cant fit into anything with a zip, but they can actually be really nice and look hot when worn properly). As if the dip dyed grey effect wasn't enough, I was swung by the neon lace around the waistband. Really cool. If I could pull off the multi coloured neon tribal and aztec prints that are everywhere, then believe me, I would, but sometimes, just a pop of colour (or a POC if you're my style icon Brad Goreski would say) is enough.

Instead of going on Google images and typing in "celebrities wearing neon" for the kind of thing I like about this trend, I had a look on one of my favourite sites, LookBook.nu, and found a few examples of how to make this trend work. Ugh, I'm sounding like a cunt here, but fuck it, I like neon and think everyone should have a bit of neon in their lives.

So enough of me telling you how to dress, just embrace the neon and the world will be a happier place. Just don't overdo it, the Big Fat Gypsy Weddings look is one you NEVER want to adopt.

xoA

Oh, PS, send me your questions for "Ask Aldo"... brutal honesty that will hopefully prevent fashion disasters... get them in to fashhole@ymail.com!

DNW

Working in a busy, popular, clothes shop in Glasgow city centre for five years, you start to pick up on some recurring fashion faux pas that people don't seem to understand never look good.

For the first of these faux pas, I'm going to hand it over to my girl Blair Waldorf to educate those of you who cannot grasp this concept...

That's right, Upper East siders. TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS. There is absolutely no excuse for ANYONE, I don't care how banging their body is, to be wearing tights and a top with nothing covering their crotchal area. See also: leggings. Thin, stretchy jersey leggings are NOT trousers. Especially when you buy them a size too small "to keep the shape" and then they are stretched so far across your ass that I can see the care label inside. If you insist on wearing leggings as trousers, go for a thick, jodhpur style with a high waistband, or at least opt for a nice printed pair...the high street is RAMMED with Little Mix style leggings adorned with leopard and aztec prints, these are acceptable. 

The tights memo leads me to my next point, and the fashion item I would like to banish to Fashion Room 101. Drumroll please? JEGGINGS. There is NO excuse to be wearing jeggings in this day and age. They are NOT a good look. They never were. Sure, skintight skinny jeans that cut off any circulation below the thigh while simultaneously sagging at the ass and knees are not the most comfortable or flattering of looks, but they are skinny JEANS for a reason, the denim keeps its shape and holds you in. Jeggings? Not so much. Go buy yourself a pair of super soft skinnies, you know, with zips and buttons and pockets that at least masquerade as a jean. Anyone reading this who has a pair of jeggings in their wardrobe, please, do yourself a favour and BURN THEM.

Speaking of jeggings, I seen a girl walking along Argyle Street the other day who prompted me to write this very blog entry. Not only was she wearing jeggings, but she had teamed them with another of my most hated fashion offenders...a nude ballet pump.

Yes, a nude ballet pump.

Unless you are Natalie Portman in Black Swan, there is really no need to be wearing a pair of creepy ballerina shoes that do nothing but expose the dodgy fake tan on your feet. And if you even THINK about wearing such offensive footwear with tights or socks then there is truly no hope for you. A nude ballet pump might sound very Alexa Chung in your head but in reality they are more Amy Winehouse (R.I.P.). Nobody looks good in them, in fact they just look like you've wandered out the house in your slippers.

There are a million other pieces of clothing that really grind my gears, but now that I've gotten the worst three out of my system I feel a whole lot better.

Oh, PS, I hate chinos.

xoA