Fifty Shades of Cray

It's been a while since I've blogged, due to nothing more than just time constraints and laziness. And how I've missed it. So here's a quick one to get the juices flowing.

I'm sure a lot of you have reserved your (probably plastic covered) seats at your nearest cinema for this Valentines' weekend for what looks set to be one of the biggest films of 2015, and as the date of its release grows nearer, despite never having an interest in the book series or not even having the faintest desire to see the film until this point, all I can think about for the last few days is I WANT TO SEE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY!

It seems like the type of story aimed squarely at sex starved menopausal women and girls who've just came into adulthood in the aftermath of the Twilight series, but given the fact the book was such a defining pop culture moment upon its release, could the film have the same effect? And more importantly, do I want to miss out on all the conversations about it like I did when Fifty Shades fever gripped the world in 2011?

So here's what we know so far: Jamie Dornan, cast hurriedly to fill the title role when Charlie Hunnam dropped out, will not be showing the goods. The sex scenes will be toned down from what was written in the book, and one of the most memorable moments from the book has been cut completely - probably for the best since I don't think anyone wants to see a sex scene that reminds us the female lead is in the midst of her monthly visit. Rita Ora's "big Hollywood break" playing Mr. Grey's sister has turned out to be a blink and you'll miss it appearance wearing a wig she probably borrowed from a Liza Minelli impersonator - not that I'm complaining since the pop starlet is quite possibly one of the most irritating people on the planet.

This Valentines looks set to see cinemas packed with groups of single girls out to distract themselves from the fact they are still in search of their own Mr Grey, and unhappy men dragged their by their female partners in the hopes of having some fun in the bedroom afterwards, but what about the rest of us? Do I really want to spend valuable cocktail time sitting in a packed cinema watching what will probably turn out to be a series of awkward, toned down sex scenes strung together with lightweight, forgettable plot that has been largely met with a "MEH" reaction from critics?

Maybe if my other half wants to smuggle some cocktails into the cinema, I could be convinced.