DNW

Working in a busy, popular, clothes shop in Glasgow city centre for five years, you start to pick up on some recurring fashion faux pas that people don't seem to understand never look good.

For the first of these faux pas, I'm going to hand it over to my girl Blair Waldorf to educate those of you who cannot grasp this concept...

That's right, Upper East siders. TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS. There is absolutely no excuse for ANYONE, I don't care how banging their body is, to be wearing tights and a top with nothing covering their crotchal area. See also: leggings. Thin, stretchy jersey leggings are NOT trousers. Especially when you buy them a size too small "to keep the shape" and then they are stretched so far across your ass that I can see the care label inside. If you insist on wearing leggings as trousers, go for a thick, jodhpur style with a high waistband, or at least opt for a nice printed pair...the high street is RAMMED with Little Mix style leggings adorned with leopard and aztec prints, these are acceptable. 

The tights memo leads me to my next point, and the fashion item I would like to banish to Fashion Room 101. Drumroll please? JEGGINGS. There is NO excuse to be wearing jeggings in this day and age. They are NOT a good look. They never were. Sure, skintight skinny jeans that cut off any circulation below the thigh while simultaneously sagging at the ass and knees are not the most comfortable or flattering of looks, but they are skinny JEANS for a reason, the denim keeps its shape and holds you in. Jeggings? Not so much. Go buy yourself a pair of super soft skinnies, you know, with zips and buttons and pockets that at least masquerade as a jean. Anyone reading this who has a pair of jeggings in their wardrobe, please, do yourself a favour and BURN THEM.

Speaking of jeggings, I seen a girl walking along Argyle Street the other day who prompted me to write this very blog entry. Not only was she wearing jeggings, but she had teamed them with another of my most hated fashion offenders...a nude ballet pump.

Yes, a nude ballet pump.

Unless you are Natalie Portman in Black Swan, there is really no need to be wearing a pair of creepy ballerina shoes that do nothing but expose the dodgy fake tan on your feet. And if you even THINK about wearing such offensive footwear with tights or socks then there is truly no hope for you. A nude ballet pump might sound very Alexa Chung in your head but in reality they are more Amy Winehouse (R.I.P.). Nobody looks good in them, in fact they just look like you've wandered out the house in your slippers.

There are a million other pieces of clothing that really grind my gears, but now that I've gotten the worst three out of my system I feel a whole lot better.

Oh, PS, I hate chinos.

xoA