Crocroaches

Did you know it's been over a year since the internet got an injection of FashHole'y goodness? Time flies...

So we'll start this little session of filling in the gaps with one burning question that's never far from this homo's mind.

WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE STILL WEARING CROCS?

This is one thing that needs to die ASAP. It's shocking to think that disco pants and ombre hair have come and gone but these hideous items of footwear still remain. It's a joke that's not even funny anymore. Unless you work in a hospital/dental surgery, these are not in the slightest bit acceptable. Ever. The only thing left after the apocalypse won't even be cockroaches anymore, it will be these offensive shoes, if you can even call them that.

Where is the appeal in these clumpy, perforated chunks of plastic in a variety of hideous colours? Why would you want to put these on your feet? In what way do these horrendous, offensive, hideous have such mass appeal that they have their own stores? And more importantly, who are the idiots spending money on these monstrosities in order to be seen in public wearing them?

I've made it quite clear in the past the strong, footwear related opinions I have (I will never approve of a nude ballet pump and have no qualms about admitting this), but Crocs really do trump all other footwear in the DO NOT WANT stakes. For real, I can't understand anybody who would ever want to wear these. Is there some sort of unexplained mystery appeal to these shoes that I'm missing out on?

xo
A

This is a first...

Guess who's back, bitches?

So here's the thing. All quiet on the blogging front for over a year...there's been a few drafts that never made it to the final cut, but what's the point in blogging for the sake of it when you've really got nothing to say?

Until now.

So, this isn't a guarantee that this blog is suddenly going to become more active once again, although hopefully it will be. But quality, not quantity. This, boys and girls, is to stop you from making one hell of a mistake the next time you wander into your local Boots store.

So, your boy is a fan of Maestro foundation (or "fusion makeup" if you want to use the proper term) by Giorgio Armani. It's a nice finish and looks pretty invisible. But when the little rubber dripper ran out with two weeks til payday, the newly advertised "Nude Magique: Eau de Teint" by L'Oreal seemed like a great, cut price alternative. Blogs hailed it as a dupe for the revolutionary world's thinnest foundation.

It isn't.

For one, it doesn't have the dripper that makes application so easy. While your local Armani counter will advise you to apply using your fingers, your boy here swears by his round buff brush for application. Just drip a few dots onto your skin and blend, blend, blend away. With this L'Oreal alternative, even that is a hassle. No dropper means you need to tap it onto your face, and there the problems begin.

For one, this texture is nothing like the Armani Maestro. Oilier, runnier and the smell is just...no thanks. The colour has a far more orange tinge to it and once applied and buffed out, it leaves nothing more than an orangey film over your skin and not the invisible nude promised.

Never buy it, I urge you.

xo

Crops...and not the tops....

Whoever thought when Britney infamously shaved her bleached locks before descending into a mental breakdown that produced arguably the best album of her career that it would kickstart a trend that is still rampant with A-List females across the world to this date. Charlize Theron recently said goodbye to her golden curls for a film role and kissed goodbye to any lucrative hair product campaigns for the next few years.

Sure, Britney wasn't the first to take hold of the clippers...Demi Moore parting with her long, glossy locks in G.I. Jane showed the world just how stunning she really is, while Natalie Portman's close shave in V for Vendetta got her beauty and acting skills some serious attention. But for every genetically gifted Demi, there's a potato headed Britney who just couldn't wait to get a weave on that stubbly head to hide a multitude of sins.

Anne Hathaway recently cropped her glorious tresses for a film role, making her look less like the raven haired screen siren the world has come to love, and more like a pre-pubescent schoolboy.

Another actress parting with her locks for a movie role was High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens. When the chocolate brown waves were gone, a soccer mom haircut aged the pretty starlet. If only she was so neat and tidy down below (nobody's forgotten those naked pics, V-Hud).

Not even flawless bone structure can save some of the most beautiful women in the world from the perils of looking like an egg head. Yeah, Demi looked fierce, but none of the current crop - pardon the pun - of Hollywood starlets are styling it up enough to pull off such a harsh look. Must do better, ladies.

xoA

One man's trash, another man's treasure...

Recently, yours truly has been fully embracing the world of eBay. While previous attempts at dabbling in the activity of selling old clothes and making some money in return have barely made a dent in the bank balance of this shopaholic (Rebecca Bloomwood, you've got competition, gurl), a recent no nonsense approach to a wardrobe clearout has pretty much paid for a forthcoming trip to London. Whether or not said trip ends up costing even more due to your boy approaching shopping like it's an Olympic sport remains to be seen, but it's definitely interesting to think about how clothes we toss to the back of our wardrobes could easily become coveted items to others.

Far from being deluded enough to think that his impeccable taste and flawless wardrobe choices have made him a fashion messiah whose castoffs would be quickly snapped up by those wanting to emulate his style, your boy is fully aware that most of the people snapping up those size-too-big skinny jeans (hiya new gym habit already producing results after a few weeks) and All Saints t-shirts from when All Saints was still good are just out for a bargain and eager to take advantage of this ruthless wardrobe cleanse. But still, in a world where people are driving themselves deeper and deeper into debt to try and keep up with the latest throwaway fashions, why are more people not taking advantage of the money making opportunity that comes with putting those shoes you only wore once because they killed your feet, or that handbag your mum got you for Christmas that you just don't like, on eBay? What happiness are these items going to bring being stuffed at the back of a wardrobe, destined to be forgotten or chucked? Especially when they could be auctioned off, creating more space in your wardrobe and more money in your bank balance to fill that space with shiny new things.

And while we're at it, wouldn't it be great if there was an easier way to find those coveted items you want? That dress from Topshop that sold out before you got the chance to buy it? That leather jacket that went into sale in every size but yours? This is why eBay is often a much more rewarding shopping experience than the glitz and glamour of Buchanan St and Argyle St on a Saturday afternoon. And plus it never closes...ideal.

This isn't an advert for eBay, this is a call to all FashHoles out there, sell your old stuff...just because you don't want it, someone else most probably will. And at the end of the day, what would you rather have? A wardrobe full of clothes you don't actually want, or money for guilt-free shopping?

And let's not forget, it's recycling, so it's good for the environment as well.

xoA

Dress code double standards...

We live in a society where men and women are (allegedly) equal. Women have the same rights as men, can do the same jobs as men, and also can get away with a whole lot more than men when it comes to "appropriate" work attire.

Why is it that women can wear pretty much whatever they want and still manage to pass it off as "smart", while men are restricted to the rigid three piece suit, shirt and tie? In a world where it's not uncommon to see women wearing vest tops, cropped trousers and sandals to the office, why is it that anything other than a boring, buttoned up ensemble that hides every inch of a man's body minus his face and hands is frowned upon? Conservative is one thing, but is self expression banned when it comes to the sartorial options available to males?

Men are expected to live their lives in suits, and there's only so many guys who can style it up like Brad Goreski or Adam Lambert. For the rest, it's ill fitting, unflattering and just plain dull. God forbid a man wear black skinny trousers and military boots without being told he's dressed inappropriately...and facial hair? Well that, it appears, is just madness. Not to mention such offensive items as ear piercings and fashionable hairstyles that would be accepted on their female colleagues. It appears that as men become more open to experimentation when it comes to their wardrobes, higher forces become increasingly restrictive and keen to put a stop to such madness.

Why is society so threatened by the idea of a man expressing himself through fashion? Where is the need to force them to confine to what they consider "smart" and "conservative" to be taken seriously in the workplace? For every Scott Disick there's fifty David Brents out there. Is the idea of a man being able to go to work in something other than a plain, boring, dull...sorry, smart suit that horrendous? By no means is this an invitation for men around the world to don their tracksuits for business meetings, but can we not move towards getting rid of the boring dress code that stops men from being able to develop some sort of identity in the workplace?

xoA

Commuter catastrophes

If you spend as much time on public transport as your boy does, you will be blind not to notice the amount of fashion travesties that seem to have become widely accepted by the masses travelling back and forth for their 9 to 5s.

The first of these calamities is people who appear to have been half asleep getting ready for a long day at the office and start to incorporate their gym gear into their outfit. No, ladies, your trek to your nearest bus stop or train station cannot be THAT treacherous that you need to throw on a pair of trainers with your suit. If your work shoes are that uncomfortable, buy a new pair...your boy will always advocate retail therapy as a cure for anything.

Also, with the oversized handbag trend not looking likely to go away any time soon, why are you carrying a tiny handbag and then a massive backpack? Hardly power dressing. Nothing more flattering to a woman's figure than being laden down with too many lumpy bags, especially when teamed with ill fitting black trousers that so many women seem to insist on wearing these days. Just because you're a size 8 in your jeans, doesn't mean you're a size 8 in your trousers, too...and why not be completely outrageous and buy these sorts of clothing from actual clothes shops instead of bunging them in a trolley with your weekly food shop at Tesco?

Gents, the bag rule applies to you as well. Why are you wearing a Jansport bag you've had since school with your suit when you could just as easily jump into Zara  or River Island for a perfectly affordable, expensive looking man bag that won't make you look like a twat?

Why do people who clearly have to dress smartly for work have this urge to try and "dress down" for the commute? This isn't like school where you would try and wear trainers or Cat boots with your uniform to be a pure rebel, this is the grown up world. And as much as your boy hates a "smart" dress code (that's a whole 'nother entry waiting to happen), if you're going to do it, do it right.

FashHole Hall of Fame: Brad Goreski

"What people basically want is to wear things that get them laid." - Brad Goreski

Style inspiration can come from anywhere - from the people we walk past on the streets, to the designers that show their latest collections on catwalks all over the world, to celebrities who adorn the magazines and TV screens that we encounter in our daily lives. Everyone has their style icons, and you lucky fashholes are in for a treat...get ready to be taken on a journey of the icons this blogger looks towards whenever he is faced with an outfit crisis.

Today we're gonna start with Brad Goreski. For those of you unfamiliar with this character, he was Rachel Zoe's assistant for the first few seasons of The Rachel Zoe Project, who's penchant for colour blocking and taking geek chic to a whole new level has gained him celebrity status and the title of fashion icon for many a homo around the world. Now starring in his own reality series, It's A Brad Brad World, and going out on his own away from the shadow of Ms Zoe, Brad continues to gain notoriety for his corageous fashion efforts.

On paper, this jacket just shouldn't work. So why is my wardrobe crying out for it?

It should also be noted that homeboy KNOWS how to colour block. Or, as he calls it, a "P.O.C." (pop of colour). It takes some serious swagger to pull off some of these neon, clashing looks, but he does it in style and still manages to look really effortless with it.

Nobody can say Mr Goreski isn't capable of seriously pulling off the geek-chic look. He definitely, to quote his former mentor Rachel Zoe, "shuts it DOWN" on a daily basis. His recent outfits at New York Fashion Week have been true to his high fashion credentials, not that we would expect anything less. He still manages to put his own spin on any look...who else could wear leopard and still look that dapper?

And this is just a little something for those of you wondering what he looks like out of the amazing clothes...

While Brad Goreski's style might not be to everyone's tastes, he's definitely carved out his own niche look that is synonymous with BRAD. Please pray that he somehow follows in Rachel Zoe's fashion footsteps and gets his own line, the menswear market is SCREAMING out for someone like Brad to revolutionise the dull selections many retailers put out there for us boys.

xoA

Still looking for your fashion questions for the first #AskAldo, keep them coming to fashhole@ymail.com